Real Jardín Botánico // Last Day of September

Today is the last day of September. Sometimes time moves quickly and others slowly but right now it seems to make sense. Almost six weeks I’ve been here, six weeks of fresh days and new friends and quiet observations. Of travel and introspection and a lot of happiness.

  

I can feel the ways I’ve changed this year and it’s so much for the better. I think I am more patient and more kind. I listen more. I am able to be alone, and I like it and crave it and I value time to think. I feel I am more in the present, I can so much more easily let myself feel the good things and let the bad things wash over me like waves until they have tired themselves and I am once more at peace.

I’ve been so frustrated with myself in the past for my failure to finish projects, for not making enough art, for consuming so much more than I created. And then at the beginning of this year, I made goals and I started making them happen; I found things that I loved enough to keep up with. I made a blog–and I haven’t written daily or weekly but I do have a place in the internet with a handful of thoughts and photos and when I feel inspired I come here to create more. I have a project–and I take videos each day and if I miss one day a month it is ok, and at the end I put it all together and it makes me happy. I have a film camera–and I love taking photos and I do it, often. And I feel proud of what I make and I feel like I am finding my voice across mediums. I still soak up media, art, places; I listen to podcasts and to people speaking other languages and to friends telling me their stories, and I read lots of blogs and every modern love article and books (oh I love books!), and I look at painting and sculptures and videos and the things that I’ve made myself. And I make more things! And I think more thoughts! And every day I do the best I can to learn and communicate and to feel peace.

  

I cry easily. The things that move me to sadness make me happy to be feeling so deeply, so wholly; I am grateful to experience such a wealth of emotions upon reading and looking and observing, to derive such depth from people and places I do not know. To know pieces of people that I have not met. I like to internalize the external and I find such grace and humility in taking other people’s stories and weaving them into my own.

  

With love on a Wednesday afternoon.

Today

Today was windy and gray and later on the rain came. I walked home through the park listening to music, soft enough to hear droplets falling between branches shading the quiet paths. The trees are turning here and seeing leaves loose and dry on the ground excites me.

I like the way this coolness feels, the air of it whipping my hair and papers, the need to turn down cuffed sleeves. I like to be in this place, the newness of it and the freedom, the lightness the future holds. The feeling of unsettlement and the act of settling. I like to walk and to wander, to run and think and make new ideas. I need to write down more ideas.

Each day is a little bit different but mostly it all just feels like now.